Sunday, September 13, 2009

The 30th Post Unveiling: The Apocalyptic Urinal & Carmalita Split Tape.

Finally, after 10 years of obscurity and copies lost and found, here is the Apocalyptic Urinal and Carmalita split demo cassette.
A.U. was me and Patrick Scardo, who lived in Clintwood, VA. we wanted to start a band together and play fast, pissed off we set up a show and played it without ever practicing. we learned a hellnation song on the ride to the show and the rest of the show was just insanity. now keep in mind we had never practiced. we played the hellnation song first because we kinda knew it. before the show it was decided that on that song that i would play guitar, and patrick would drum and do vocals at the same time. we kick into the song, patrick starts screaming, and it was the highest pitched fucking maniacal shit i have ever heard that came from his mouth. it made me laugh, hard, while trying to play the song. we play the song, people applaud, and then we just did about 10 more minutes of 30 second "songs" and talked shit in between. someone told me it sounded like "a train full of girl scouts being raped while the train derailed" and that was pretty accurate. this was in january 1999. we played another show shortly thereafter, then we played a show the day our part of the split was recorded (unfortunately we didn't record the show because that would've been fucking hilarious), and then one more sporadic improv show a year or 2 later and that was it. the show that happened the day this was recorded was some girls birthday party at a public pool near clintwood, and we arrive, it's not yet evening and we were trashed. we talked shit to people and i seem to vaguely recall some rednecks harassing us at pizza hut later in the night.
i haven't talked to Patrick in a few years. he was in the great, now defunct Allergic To Bullshit (not that one, the other one) and was also in the Semen Demons with motherfuckin' Ernarchy, and now I hear he is a goat farmer somewhere in Virginia. I hope he gets on a computer and for the fuck of it types in "apocalyptic urinal" and this pops up. i miss you man. i hope life is treating you well.
anyways, this was recorded live in patrick's basement, on one of those hand-held tape recorders, and i'm gonna go ahead and not apologize for the sound quality.
Carmalita were a band from southeast Kentucky comprised of Derek Eagle, bad-ass Doug Reynolds, and old man Steve Smith. I don't know how many shows they played, but i do know of one where they played in some schools gymnasium and no one wanted to go anywhere near them because when they played it was all out violence. If I remember correctly their part of the split was recorded in a friend's garage on a karaoke machine. I will also go on record saying that their part of the split is some of my favorite punk rock EVER. i had this edited to different tracks as best as i could, but kept all the inbetween song banter and fuck-up's, like the "what the fuck?!!?" moment (listen and you'll know). this is fast, pissed off, funny, and they even do a superb cover of the Misfits' "Return Of The Fly". Every time i listen to this it makes me smile.

i think i personally made about 15-20 of these tapes. the original master tapes are LONG gone, and this tape was one of the ones i recorded and gave out that made its way back to me years ago. in the interim its been in floors, had shit spilled on it, got stuck in a tape deck once, and its so fucking lucky i didn't break it. Now here it is, in mp3 form, for you.

A BIG THANKS to Neal, who definitely sealed the deal on this. He put up with me pestering him for months to convert it for me, and he finally did and he kicked it's fucking ass. I even saw him type the word "fuck" for the first time ever. also, i will apologize for the tracks just saying "apocalyptic urinal - track 1" and so on. i knew the a.u. song names (except for the first improv track's name) but the carmalita track list is also in a landfill somewhere, and until the names of the songs are discovered none of the songs will be named.

also, i have an mp3 of the tape in its entirety and if you would like to hear it without track edits, as one 20 minute long mp3, let me know.

but for now, here it is. I'm pleased to bring you
the Apocalyptic Urinal and Carmalita Split Tape.


  1. shew. i forgot all of our shenanigans. if you listen we say some of the song titles before we play them. i know for sure the last song is called "don't fuck with the bear"

  2. the goddamn blue ribbon tape will be up before the weekend my'll listen to it and think "goddamn...i was trashed".